Midseason Interview w/ Ellie

Usually around this time of the year, I interview my 6-yr old daughter Ellie and get her take on the season. I performed the interview earlier this week and the transcript is below. As usual, it did get a bit contentious.

Commish: "Hi Ellie. Thanks for taking the time to sit down with me. It's been a while since we talked about the SWS and I am always interested in getting your unique take on things."

Ellie: "Uh-huh. So, am I still going to get a gold coin that will allow me to watch an hour of tv when this is done? And, I don't mean educational tv. I'm not watching Thomas the Train, he really creeps me out."

Commish: "Ellie, for once we are in agreement. You can have a coin to watch whatever Disney show you want and Thomas the Train might be the devil. You can't convince me otherwise."

Ellie: "Uh-huh. Can we get this over with?"

Commish: "Alright. First question. What is your take on the SWS season so far? Who has impressed / surprised you the most and who has been the biggest disappointment?"


Ellie: "I would have to say that Mr. Rick has surprised me the most. I got the sense from talking with him that he didn't know much about football. He is also a Cubs fan so he doesn't know much about baseball and I figured that must have just transferred to his football knowledge. I guess I was wrong. He has stayed near the top and has been putting consistent weeks together. He has done well and I am impressed."

Commish: "Who would you say is the biggest disappointment?"

Ellie: "I might be a little biased here since he recently re-enacted the Marathon Man torture scene on my new Barbie doll, but I would say Joey has been the biggest disappointment. Dad, I have to be honest. I think something is wrong with the kid. I don't know if it is from all the times he has fallen down the stairs but he just doesn't get it. You have made him drink from the toilet bowl, sleep in the garage, and spend three consecutive weeks wearing a football helmet and he is still in 42nd place. Thank God there are a bunch of dopes in this pool or this would be an even bigger embarassment to our family."

Commish: "Ellie, let's be fair here. I only made Joey wear that helmet for 2 weeks. Remember, that nosy Nancy across the street who threatened to call the authorities?"

Ellie: "People just need to mind their own business. That person probably lives with a family of losers."

Commish: "That's what I have been saying!"

Ellie: "Next question. I am getting bored."


Commish: "Okay, fine. What do you think about the NFL season so far? Who do you like for the Super Bowl?"

Ellie: "I think it's been a decent season. I have particularly liked watching the Saints and Colts this year, even though I can imagine Uncle Scott's girly screams every time Peyton Manning throws a touchdown. On a side note, I hope to God he has finally finished that queer quilt. Anyways, as for my Super Bowl prediction, there is no way that I am telling you that. I saw you sneaking a look into my notebook earlier this week and I am not giving you any hints on who I like. Go scratch."


Commish: "Whoa! Watch it young lady!"

Ellie: "Oh, is this the point where you threaten me? Face it old timer, I am the only one in the house who brings in any money from this football pool and you can't afford to lose my income now, especially with the economy in shambles."

Commish: "I really didn't want to go here. You have gotten so political in your young age. I don't think you can say that the economy is in shambles. That's a bit harsh. The president is still cleaning up the mess of the previous administration and needs time."

Ellie: "Dad, you really can't be that naive. The next thing you will say is that the Chicago Olympics debacle was George Bush's fault. I am curious when we can begin judging President Obama on his decisions. A year from now? Two? Maybe we can only judge him fairly if he gets reelected and then has the proper time to fix everything. Whatever. Maybe the economy isn't in shambles but if you think we will see the robust growth of previous years, you are crazy. We have a president who ran as a moderate and has shown himself to be the most liberal president since Jimmy Carter. He has indentured all of us, but especially me, with a $1 trillion dollars of spending on pet projects that will do very little to grow the economy. In fact, much of that spending could lead to a shrinking of the private sector. Unemployment is still above 10% so I don't know where all those jobs that were to be saved are. Do you? I didn't think so. Now, he wants to create a gigantic federal bureaucracy under the guise of health care reform.


Commish: "Ellie, you can't possibly think the current health care system works? But, what would you know. It takes an act of Congress for you to hold a thermometer under your tongue for 30 seconds."

Ellie: "Cute, Dad. Real cute. No, I don't think the current health care system works but why does the solution have to involve the expansion of government, or more correctly, the creation of additional federal bureaucracies. Name me one situation where a large government program has been created and then proceeded to run at or under projected costs. It never happens. They always undersell the costs to get public opinion on their side. Tapes were recently released of LBJ discussing Medicaid / Medicare and he admitted that they couldn't tell the people the real future cost or it would never get approved. And you know what, we are still living with it right now. Competition has always been the backbone of our country and spurs the creative destruction that any great economy needs. We don't need a giant bloated bureaucracy that will never need to run efficiently, especially when any future shortfalls can be made up by our tax dollars. We need private companies who need to compete against each other to provide the best and most cost efficient health care. The government should be involved to help the unfortunate ones get affordable health care but that's it. I will draw the line there. I believe in helping the helpless, not helping the clueless."


Commish: "Oh God, I have a headache. I am going to wrap this up. Thanks for your time, Ellie. It was as interesting as usual."


Ellie: "Uh-huh. Now put the tv on or I am going to tell you what I think about Rush Limbaugh being dropped from that ownership group."

Commish: "Nope, no need. It's on now."

Ellie: "Uh-huh. Bye Dad!"


Commish: "Alright, I'm leaving...."


That is all.